Maybe you’re like me. Maybe every day in some way you feel like a newly fallen turnip. A rookie. A beginner. A little wet behind the ears. When I had a baby, I glanced over my shoulder to discover regurgitated breast milk dripping down my back. That’s when everything — not just motherhood — seemed a little more important. A little more up in a ponytail. A little more up in the air.

Posts Tagged "Thing One"

Review: Casa’s Santa Claus: The Musical

You might not have had time yet to deck the halls or go wassailing or perform some other vague Christmasism, but surely you’ve noticed that Thanksgiving, our culture’s speed bump on the road to Santa, seems tiny in the rearview. So pack up the sleigh with a sugarplum or two, and prance on down to…   read more

Jack-O-Yanterns Trump Yightning

Halloween is not Drew’s favorite holiday. I dropped him off at school yesterday and he would barely sit on the steps with his costume-wearing classmates, much less wear a costume on his own. For weeks people have been asking who he is going as for Halloween, and for weeks he has been saying “Yightning” —…   read more

Franken-Thing Two and Other Bad Costumes.

Once, and I’m not particularly proud of this, Gordon and I went as Adam and Eve to a corporate Halloween party in downtown Fort Worth. Our costume looked something like this: I don’t know whose idea this costume was, and my most distinct memory is how far below his actual nipples Gordon’s painted-on-polyester nipples were….   read more

Speech Therapy Strangeness

I once knew a girl in college who thought everything was Amazing. That Thai food restaurant is Amazing; the way the sunlight filters through the trees is unbelievably Amazing; the 90s fad of wearing braided belts over a knit top and broomstick skirt — A-to-the-mazing. The enduring image I have of “Jane” is when she…   read more

Video: She’s Walking!

Thing Two really started power walking/runway strutting on Sunday. If you can get past my motherly blatherations in this video and concentrate on Thing Two, you’ll be richly rewarded. Oh, and wait for the end. It’s the best 47 seconds you’ll spend all day:

Would You Rather Be a Girlieman?

I like to play a game called “Would You Rather” with my sillier friends. It’s kind of like Truth or Dare except without the dare and where the truth is entirely hypothetical — just the kind of game risk-adverse control freak first-born romantics love to play. Each person takes turns answering questions like, “Would you…   read more

Unlucky Strike: The Aftermath of Bowling and Frivolity

Sometime today, maybe it was when I was wiping Drew’s poopy man-bottom or folding my eighth tiny pair of tights, that I had a horrible fantasy of being cancer-ridden. I think it’s probably the blackest and most demonic thing in the world to fantasize about. On the surface it’s not as insidious as daydreaming about…   read more

My Sweet B-B-B-Birthday Boy

Drew is now four. We had a “Cars 2” birthday party for him on Saturday in our backyard, and the best part is still up for debate: the guacamole, bounce house, or the hilarious way Drew said YIGHTNING MCQUEEN. HEY MOMMY, YOOK! says Drew. IT’S YIGHTING! YIGHTNING MCQUEEN! We tried to get Drew to dress…   read more

Of Seagulls, Liquor and Lauren Hutton: A Beach Remembrance

Last week was our first-ever bona fide family vacation. We went to Destin, FL with my in-laws, my sister-in-law and her hubby, and their 6-month-old baby girl. Gordon and I had been excited for months, but of course Things One and Two didn’t know what to expect, or what hit them when we finally arrived….   read more

Romancing the Throne: Married and Potty Training

OK, confession time: There MIGHT have been ONE or TWO times this week when I smelled that Drew had defaced his underwear and then pretended not to notice. Gordon was home and I was waiting for him to detect it “first.” I would find other pressing matters – the tiny weed sprouts emerging from the…   read more