Maybe you’re like me. Maybe every day in some way you feel like a newly fallen turnip. A rookie. A beginner. A little wet behind the ears. When I had a baby, I glanced over my shoulder to discover regurgitated breast milk dripping down my back. That’s when everything — not just motherhood — seemed a little more important. A little more up in a ponytail. A little more up in the air.

Posts Tagged "pregnancy"

Sick Again? Seek again. (Chatter Letter from the editor, February 2013)

During one of the first years we really started observing Lent at IBC, I was pregnant with my son Drew. He was the size of a lima bean in February of 2007, but he might as well have been Andre the Giant Baby. I was so, so morning sick. And so, so tired. Every day…   read more

First Things First: Drew Turns 5

On the eve of Thing One’s 5th birthday, I am reflective. I’m thinking back to the moment at 9:06 a.m. on January 18, 2007, when, alone and shaking in the bathroom, I discovered that I would be a mother. I told no one, not even Gordon. The day was chilly and rainy; a cold shock…   read more

Preggo and Perspiring. At a Pageant.

Right before I gave birth to Thing One, a friend asked me to judge a beauty pageant. My friend is a former beauty queen herself, first runner-up Miss Texas to be exact. (She should have WON.) In college I was her piano accompanist when she would go around making appearances and singing. Most of the…   read more

4 Foolproof Signs You’re Ready for Another Baby. Immediately.

Let me be clear. I’m not writing this because I am ready for another baby. I’m writing this from the dark side of the moon, the dull edge of the knife, the non-absorbent side of a cheap towel. My fallopian tubes are as cold and dark as abandoned subway tunnels. No, I’m not in the…   read more

How Wonderful It Is (To Do Nothing?)

(In honor of my vacation week, here’s a little blast from the past: -Ology magazine’s May 2010 article. Enjoy.) How wonderful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterwards. This little saying is needle-pointed on a framed wall hanging at my grandparents’ house. I didn’t have appreciation for it until 2.75 years ago…   read more

Like a Woman Wanting a Boob Job

I apparently look like a woman who wants a boob job. Not a woman needing a boob job. Wanting one. I was at the gyno’s office this week for your favorite thing and mine, the pap smear. The baby doctor’s office is an elite club where to feel like a VIP you have to be…   read more

One Proof of God’s Existence

I once had a friend who was about 15 months pregnant when she went to Tom Thumb and got asked by a toothless old guy if she needed an “amateur gyno” at that particular moment. Sometimes motherhood is just plain indecent. I take that back, he wasn’t toothless; he had a bare nub of a…   read more

To Quote Elmo, “I’ll be back.”

(Chatter letter from the editor, August 2010) Today we began reading our two-year-old potty-training propaganda. This mostly involved shameless plugs from the likes of Elmo about how “Elmo can use the potty!” and how you can do it too and might even get to FLUSH all by yourself and pick out your own big boy…   read more

Grumpy Old Me

(Chatter letter from the editor, June 2010) In the 1995 comedy Grumpy Old Men, we find the elder father “Grandpa” discussing his eating habits with his also-now-elderly son “John.” But before I share it with you, let me tell you why it came to my mind in the first place. The other day at Tom…   read more

Grace in Detail

(Chatter letter from the editor, May 2010) I would like to talk about grace for a moment. Not cosmic-eternal-salvation grace; but the specific, detailed little (or huge) graces we experience in space and time despite an awful attitude. This kind of grace feels warmest because we receive it in the dirty moments of tracked-in mud,…   read more