Maybe you’re like me. Maybe every day in some way you feel like a newly fallen turnip. A rookie. A beginner. A little wet behind the ears. When I had a baby, I glanced over my shoulder to discover regurgitated breast milk dripping down my back. That’s when everything — not just motherhood — seemed a little more important. A little more up in a ponytail. A little more up in the air.

Posts Tagged "potty training"

Suppository Avoidance and The Big Braum’s Tease

Sometimes medical professionals have a hard time diagnosing me. It’s not that I’m made of steel or that I am from the planet Tatween; it’s that I’m somewhat of a hypochondriac plus there was that time I drank the tiger blood. My heart arrhythmia from college was first thought to be caffeine-related, then due to…   read more

A Big Boy Day Freebee and Why I (And You) Will Never Be a World-Class Mother

In his book The Talent Code, author Daniel Coyle reiterates an idea I’ve heard before in discussions of skill development: that any expert in a particular field has repeated their skill, “practiced,” at least 10,000 times. 10,000. It’s the magic number, provided you are practicing well. My voice teacher introduced me to this concept. He…   read more

Things of Steel: Cars, Trains, Bladders, and Resolve

You may think I’m prone to exaggeration, but I’m going to go ahead and prop up my stereotype by saying that after this weekend, I’m convinced there is no more tortured soul than my Thing One. Drew has the market cornered on preschool-variety angst. We Might Have Provoked It. OK, we probably did. Actually, there’s…   read more

License to Pee: A Potty-Training Breakthrough

I write two blog entries a week and sometimes that gets to be a lot. Not that I don’t like writing. I love writing. It’s just the sitting down to, well, write that gets to me. So I put it off, sometimes until 9 p.m. the night before. Which can really pay off. A lot…   read more

Cold-Turkey: My Angst-y Approach to Potty Training

In a moment of reckless hubris, I announced to the world that Drew would be potty trained by July 7, 2011. In retrospect it was a little reminiscent of Harold Camping, the end-of-the-world prophet who predicted the apocalypse last month. Who was I to say the end of diapers is near? Gordon pulled out his…   read more

To Quote Elmo, “I’ll be back.”

(Chatter letter from the editor, August 2010) Today we began reading our two-year-old potty-training propaganda. This mostly involved shameless plugs from the likes of Elmo about how “Elmo can use the potty!” and how you can do it too and might even get to FLUSH all by yourself and pick out your own big boy…   read more

A Little Marvin Gaye for Parent-Teacher Conferences

There’s a picture I have as my computer wallpaper, a close-up of Madeline and me looking straight into the camera: I’m smiling the cheesiest teethy grin but Maddie is wide-eyed in suspicion. It was of our carriage ride at Christmas. What you don’t see in the shot is Drew, who was bawling in Gordon’s arms…   read more

It’s Cold. There’s Pee. The End.

It turns out the frozen tundra of north Texas is no match for my white-hot need for productivity. Although I have not been able to leave my house in 48 hours, and although my children and I are like albino salamanders that are almost see-through for want of sunlight, we have been busy. Like penguins….   read more