Maybe you’re like me. Maybe every day in some way you feel like a newly fallen turnip. A rookie. A beginner. A little wet behind the ears. When I had a baby, I glanced over my shoulder to discover regurgitated breast milk dripping down my back. That’s when everything — not just motherhood — seemed a little more important. A little more up in a ponytail. A little more up in the air.

Posts Tagged "guilt"

Are You “Done?”

I was dropping Drew off at preschool last Friday when his teacher, who was in the middle of unbuckling him from his car seat, asked, “Are you having another baby?” I misinterpreted her question as, “Are you pregnant?” to which I quickly said, “Oh no, no, no,” as if she was inquiring into a very…   read more

Yelling at Your Kids? Me Too.

One of the only unfortunate side effects to taking voice lessons over a period of time is that your yelling gets really loud. Have you ever been in a dream where you wanted to scream above the surface of the water or above the mountain you’re trapped on or above the head of your attacker,…   read more

A Drum Beatdown

Drew’s new favorite book is Drummer Boy, a retelling of the Little Drummer Boy Christmas story. A little late for Christmas, I admit, but Drew tends to circle his books like big game stalking its prey — for weeks and weeks — before he comes in for the kill. Then it’s a lights-out marathon of…   read more

Crack Questions

Drew has become obsessed with the cracks in the floor at Esperanza’s. Esperanza’s is our family’s favorite Mexican food dive, and I’ve considered sending Drew there to work in exchange for enchiladas, much like the boy Samuel who served in the Temple. Last week he noticed a corner where the tile seems to have been…   read more

The Giver God

(Preview: January Chatter Letter from the Editor) Well, it’s 2012. The end of the world as we know it. Though I am optimistic the feral cats in our neighborhood will survive anything the Mayans can throw at them. It’s funny how at the beginning of 2012, we’re thinking about the end of civilization. Or maybe…   read more

Should I Be Ho-Ho-Honest?

I was minding my business one night when I heard someone talking to himself upstairs. It was Drew. I shut the music off on my computer and closed my eyes to listen. “Santa is a good guy. He not have to hug you. He goes away.” My son, without any professional instruction, had discovered the…   read more

Speech Therapy Strangeness

I once knew a girl in college who thought everything was Amazing. That Thai food restaurant is Amazing; the way the sunlight filters through the trees is unbelievably Amazing; the 90s fad of wearing braided belts over a knit top and broomstick skirt — A-to-the-mazing. The enduring image I have of “Jane” is when she…   read more

Does This Mean ADD?

Life is back to normal. After a month of yodelay-hee-hoo-ing and wig installment, I’m back to all things normal and mundane, including visits to the gym. It’s even good to see the likes of bleak Stairmasters and back issues of People magazine. What’s not back to normal is Drew. In the two weeks since school…   read more

Be-Wigged Mommy Seeks Night at Home

This month I have been immersed in a production of The Sound of Music. Perhaps “immersed” isn’t the right word. Hollowed out, taxidermied and plastered are better descriptors. I play the rich/snobby/fabulous Baroness Shraeder, or Elsa, which means I get a big blonde wig and wear about 12 pounds of sequins. It also means adults…   read more

Portion Control

(Chatter letter from the Editor, October) My husband and I recently met with a nutritionist. Her services were offered at my husband’s workplace, and since we are ones to take full advantage of anything and everything — even free humiliation — we sat down to discuss the failings of our caloric intake with Amber, a…   read more