On Saturday I had the privilege of seeing life from the confines of a 4 x 7 foot cell. Not as a result of petty theft or even because of solidarity with my imprisoned Christian brethren, but because I closed the door to the bathroom. And it was broken. And I’m an idiot. You have…   read more

I read a slogan on the bottom of a candle that said, “Remember the moments that matter.” As if this candle, by lighting it, would help me mark the important times with intentionality — the flame would stamp and sear the sacred. But I light candles to holy-fy moments that really don’t matter at all,…   read more

Sometime today, maybe it was when I was wiping Drew’s poopy man-bottom or folding my eighth tiny pair of tights, that I had a horrible fantasy of being cancer-ridden. I think it’s probably the blackest and most demonic thing in the world to fantasize about. On the surface it’s not as insidious as daydreaming about…   read more

Last week was our first-ever bona fide family vacation. We went to Destin, FL with my in-laws, my sister-in-law and her hubby, and their 6-month-old baby girl. Gordon and I had been excited for months, but of course Things One and Two didn’t know what to expect, or what hit them when we finally arrived….   read more

OK, confession time: There MIGHT have been ONE or TWO times this week when I smelled that Drew had defaced his underwear and then pretended not to notice. Gordon was home and I was waiting for him to detect it “first.” I would find other pressing matters – the tiny weed sprouts emerging from the…   read more

You may think I’m prone to exaggeration, but I’m going to go ahead and prop up my stereotype by saying that after this weekend, I’m convinced there is no more tortured soul than my Thing One. Drew has the market cornered on preschool-variety angst. We Might Have Provoked It. OK, we probably did. Actually, there’s…   read more

Sex. Sex. Sex. There, do I have your attention? Or am I competing with reruns of Entourage in the background? I realize my blog a couple of weeks ago about the placenta brooch might have been a turn-off for my male readers (I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want to grab a cosmo and dish…   read more

“You have to write about your party,” said Gordon, as if my blog was mentioned somewhere back in our pre-nuptial agreement. Not that we had a prenuptial agreement. If we did, it would have amounted to me getting his left bowling shoe and him keeping his right. But Gordon, of course, is correct. Let it…   read more

This week hasn’t been so much about my kids and the people they are becoming as it has been about me turning 30. I mean, I love my kids, but now my life is 1/3 over so what does it really matter… Sorry. That was just me being dramatic. I like to do that sometimes….   read more

The other night we were leaving for a walk with The Things at the same time our neighbors were getting into a cab. Friends of theirs were already waiting in the cab, and they looked so young and well rested I could almost cry. Our Neighbor Wife emerged from next-door, looking fantastic, wearing heels that…   read more